do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
