So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
