Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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