I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
