I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize