it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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