What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
