i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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