I smell stomach acid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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