Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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