my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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