at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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