i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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