the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize