you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
