Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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