I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
