I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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