I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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