dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
