sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
