Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
