god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
