I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
