after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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