why didn't you poke me back
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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