This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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