i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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