is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
