I just pynch a tree in the face
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
