I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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