So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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