Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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