I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
