next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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