I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
