Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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