I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
