You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
