2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
