I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
