I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
