You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
