I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
