I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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