All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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