I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
birth control should be required to get into college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
