and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
