Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
