happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
