Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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