i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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