If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize