i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
