I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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