talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
