remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
