Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize