OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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