Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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