if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
