I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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