i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
