my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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