turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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