WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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