so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
